Hocus Pocus (1993)

For our final Halloween movie of the month, the boys take a drive to Salem, Mass for the 25th anniversary of Hocus Pocus. Don’t worry, ladies; this episode isn’t half as offensive as Dirty Dancing; the Red Sox fatigue is evident in this one.

Some of the heavy hitting questions include: Is Max actually a serial killer? Is his little sister, Dani, a virgin, and if so, what eight-year-old talks like she does? Maybe she learned it from the #metoo bus driver? Why are the kids so casual with this talking cat, and while we’re at it, YOU HAD ONE JOB BINX!

Also, where are all the Massholes and tourists in this town, and why aren’t there any basic B’s spilling mimosas all over themselves? Are all these white people transplants from Long Island? Does every adult aged 25-50 leave their kids at home on Halloween to get hammered?

That and more, so turn on your vacuums and smell the children with The Dicks in the Back Row.

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